Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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