I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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