he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
