my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
