I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
if only i could text you this smell
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
