Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
