He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
