so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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