when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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