no, he came in my armpit
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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