God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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