I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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