she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
