C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I can't turn off my feet"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I have fence marks all over my body
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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