Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
