Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
