Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
