i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
