I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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