I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
