Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
