she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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