And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
