So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I had to cum in my sink.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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