i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
