don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
