do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
