Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
