I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
