I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
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