I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We had sex on a dog bed..
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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