You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
