True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
