No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
