just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
