I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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