best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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