p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
