If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
