I like to think it a success when the cops are called
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
