That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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