Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
