I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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