Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
