I hate all girls vehemently.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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