Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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