im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
