I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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