I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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