Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
