Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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