just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
