I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
