the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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