You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
